not me, vi's fault...
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
crying on the bed,
picking my nose with you
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
the plane just crashed,
because the pilot äh-chew..ed"
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
oh~ you're my sunshine...
oh sorry, not talking to you
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I saw your head,
and a cow just "moo...ed"
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
god fell onto my bed,
and said he hates you
ok, not my fault. i knew she's gonna post a reply to this(which the last part is inspired by my 1st). its stupid i know, just draining off the stress from homeworks...
不完美 -李玖哲
AGM
ok, not showing off. wats the point of showing off when u've got urself the most complained post in the whole club? not only tat, it's complained by other clubs n societies too.
nothing to b proud of...
i just happen to like loud music n fiddling with mics...
bout mics... sry lini. cant help. cuz i dont know where the hell's the stupid switch. where did they put it anyway? standard operating procedures says tat the power source must b close by...
its not actually a AGM anyway. cuz the ex already chosen which person to elect. so the whole voting part is only for show... lini almost became the Cheif of Sales Dept. n tat WOULD make junlin cry like a baby....
so tat darn ass hung phung is now the president. we all(well, majority) voted for nan feng but bsc the ex's "expertise" in counting, hung phung ended up as the president. they planned it to go tat way, its not fair play i know but if im the ex, it would sound like a right thing to do.
perspective...
ok, no point crying over spilt milk(i would actually laugh). lets just see how good he is... there's a gathering on saturday, he WOULD blew it up
n now, add maths...
nothing to b proud of...
i just happen to like loud music n fiddling with mics...
bout mics... sry lini. cant help. cuz i dont know where the hell's the stupid switch. where did they put it anyway? standard operating procedures says tat the power source must b close by...
its not actually a AGM anyway. cuz the ex already chosen which person to elect. so the whole voting part is only for show... lini almost became the Cheif of Sales Dept. n tat WOULD make junlin cry like a baby....
so tat darn ass hung phung is now the president. we all(well, majority) voted for nan feng but bsc the ex's "expertise" in counting, hung phung ended up as the president. they planned it to go tat way, its not fair play i know but if im the ex, it would sound like a right thing to do.
perspective...
ok, no point crying over spilt milk(i would actually laugh). lets just see how good he is... there's a gathering on saturday, he WOULD blew it up
n now, add maths...
It's not working
I love you, I do,
but unfortunately still, I'm not supposed to,
being at the wrong place at tht wrong time,
why do I still have your smile in my mind?
trying to get you outta my head,
a game of chess, or tornado spawning in the sky,
desperate to forget but end up missing,
backfired, that's what it is,
how the hell am I going to survive?
staying away is a thing I couldn't do,
overeacting whenever your text came through,
pondering on every word, raking my mind,
whatever I've said, is it right?
the sight of you, always true,
split my attention, all eyes on you,
tried to run, to get lost,
unable to move, yet closer to you
why do you confuse me?
why couldn't I just beat it?
why am I doing this?
hiding in a dungeon, is exactly what I want to do,
cause whatever I do, your smile breaks it,
kicking myself for being defenceless,
a sword through armour,
I'm so damm useless
a poem i didnt put up for the poem competition. it happened to b on my table right now
but unfortunately still, I'm not supposed to,
being at the wrong place at tht wrong time,
why do I still have your smile in my mind?
trying to get you outta my head,
a game of chess, or tornado spawning in the sky,
desperate to forget but end up missing,
backfired, that's what it is,
how the hell am I going to survive?
staying away is a thing I couldn't do,
overeacting whenever your text came through,
pondering on every word, raking my mind,
whatever I've said, is it right?
the sight of you, always true,
split my attention, all eyes on you,
tried to run, to get lost,
unable to move, yet closer to you
why do you confuse me?
why couldn't I just beat it?
why am I doing this?
hiding in a dungeon, is exactly what I want to do,
cause whatever I do, your smile breaks it,
kicking myself for being defenceless,
a sword through armour,
I'm so damm useless
a poem i didnt put up for the poem competition. it happened to b on my table right now
late night post
came back from tuition. james phoned in the MID of it to tell me i have to type out the stupid list of F2s... declined. cause i dont have it.
im supposed to b preparing for tommorow's lisan, or do some of my add math tat i left undone for almost a week now. logarithms arent hard, im just distracted by my random and not-supposed-to think-bout stuff.
life suck lately. sat down on my bed n it gave way. yea, tat was saturday. its now in 3 chunks. bolted them together on Sunday. wasted 3 hours of my time to do homework. which explains y i only started to go throught my lisan this morning.
cause and effect. reactant and product. great.
i cant really concentrate on anything right now. my head's spinning, always pointing at teh forbidden direction. n when tat happens, lets just say im lucky i left my fingernails on my thumb a bit longer.
even this piece of rig is rebelling against me. this thing wont start if there's anything saved in the CMOS. dont ask wats it, go wiki it. so i cant turn this thing on with the CMOS batery in OR restart it under OS environment. i HAVE to shutdown, throw the switch off then on, THEN power it back on. n THEN i have to set the time and date MANUALLY n THEN synchronise the time with time.windows.com, THEN i can start doing something productive.
this is getting outta hands. but i just couldnt force myself into track...
i knew im not supposed to, but i just couldnt not...
im supposed to b preparing for tommorow's lisan, or do some of my add math tat i left undone for almost a week now. logarithms arent hard, im just distracted by my random and not-supposed-to think-bout stuff.
life suck lately. sat down on my bed n it gave way. yea, tat was saturday. its now in 3 chunks. bolted them together on Sunday. wasted 3 hours of my time to do homework. which explains y i only started to go throught my lisan this morning.
cause and effect. reactant and product. great.
i cant really concentrate on anything right now. my head's spinning, always pointing at teh forbidden direction. n when tat happens, lets just say im lucky i left my fingernails on my thumb a bit longer.
even this piece of rig is rebelling against me. this thing wont start if there's anything saved in the CMOS. dont ask wats it, go wiki it. so i cant turn this thing on with the CMOS batery in OR restart it under OS environment. i HAVE to shutdown, throw the switch off then on, THEN power it back on. n THEN i have to set the time and date MANUALLY n THEN synchronise the time with time.windows.com, THEN i can start doing something productive.
this is getting outta hands. but i just couldnt force myself into track...
i knew im not supposed to, but i just couldnt not...
poem competition
nah... its purely for fun. its not tat i'll b winning any prizes anyway. if i can get even a keychain for it Shakespear would b out of job...
here goes nothing...
days went pass,
strangers walks past,
here I am, standing in the aisle,
alon and desolate, hoping towards the sky
there were me, there was you,
never doubted, our love is true
whenever there's you, there will always be me,
with all the joys and sorrows, we're made to be,
my dawn won't start without the sight of your face,
dusk comes when you left me in outer space
hiding in the dark,
stealing glances from afar,
I know I shouldn't, I knew I've sinned,
but what could I do? I just can't help it,
we're made for each other, but not forever,
what can I do? I'm just a dammed fool
time shall past, glaciers shall melt,
by the end of time, we shall all be free,
now, I shall live by the memory of our past...
ok, stop all ur strange looking face... i know its dumb, i know its stupid... but look out, here's another.
another bright and sunny day,
with you in my arms, jumps started my day
a million things I would tell you,
for all my past I wish to explain,
I would listen to you if you meet my stare,
vapourize your tears with my sky,
with me, all is fine
your hands in mine and we shall fly,
over the clouds, where jets cant glide,
an evening on the beach,
as the sun cools into the night
me and you, an entity that'll never end...
ok, done. noe you can go on criticising me if you want. oh, wat am i thinking, of course u just cant wait to blab bout me... but, pls.. let it b anything than typos
still got 2 short stories... mayb next time
here goes nothing...
days went pass,
strangers walks past,
here I am, standing in the aisle,
alon and desolate, hoping towards the sky
there were me, there was you,
never doubted, our love is true
whenever there's you, there will always be me,
with all the joys and sorrows, we're made to be,
my dawn won't start without the sight of your face,
dusk comes when you left me in outer space
hiding in the dark,
stealing glances from afar,
I know I shouldn't, I knew I've sinned,
but what could I do? I just can't help it,
we're made for each other, but not forever,
what can I do? I'm just a dammed fool
time shall past, glaciers shall melt,
by the end of time, we shall all be free,
now, I shall live by the memory of our past...
ok, stop all ur strange looking face... i know its dumb, i know its stupid... but look out, here's another.
another bright and sunny day,
with you in my arms, jumps started my day
a million things I would tell you,
for all my past I wish to explain,
I would listen to you if you meet my stare,
vapourize your tears with my sky,
with me, all is fine
your hands in mine and we shall fly,
over the clouds, where jets cant glide,
an evening on the beach,
as the sun cools into the night
me and you, an entity that'll never end...
ok, done. noe you can go on criticising me if you want. oh, wat am i thinking, of course u just cant wait to blab bout me... but, pls.. let it b anything than typos
still got 2 short stories... mayb next time
ok, back to bussiness
ok, pictures 1st.
unfortunately, this isnt taken using ASUS Gamer OSD. still dont know how to work tat thing, but at least i know wat it does, record or taking snapshot of ur desktop. pretty cool.. it just wont work.
n check out wat i've found on youtube. yes, this baby is youtube-able.
ok, now compare with this.
great difference isnt it?
unfortunately, this isnt taken using ASUS Gamer OSD. still dont know how to work tat thing, but at least i know wat it does, record or taking snapshot of ur desktop. pretty cool.. it just wont work.
n check out wat i've found on youtube. yes, this baby is youtube-able.
ok, now compare with this.
great difference isnt it?
ok, a bit free now...
so i finished fixing up my rig. its nice, cuz now i can do something else WHILE playing music. i know, i know, but with a pentium 3 n 512MB of RAM u cant do those things... tats my previous computer...
now.... -drum roll-
1. Intel Core 2 Duo @2.8GHz
2. Asus P5Q SE PLUS
3. 4GB(2x2Gb) Kingston DDR2 800
4. Asus EAH4350 Silent Series, 512Mb DDR2, 600Mhz core clock
5. Seagate 320GB, 7200rpm, SATA2
6. Windows Vista Ultimate 32-bit OEM
tats the specs, i know tats not even near impressive for most of u but its all i need for a computer life...
there's been a lot of screw ups during the whole process. forget to buy PSU, wrong BIOS set up, starting up without installing windows(stop laughing), etc. been a nice experience. this would b the 4th PC i've assembled, dont worry, the last 3 isnt mine.
now, get some pop corns. its showtime...
more pictures comming soon. as soon as i figure out how to work ASUS Gamer OSD..... dont know wats its for, but it came with the graphics card...
signing off...
now.... -drum roll-
1. Intel Core 2 Duo @2.8GHz
2. Asus P5Q SE PLUS
3. 4GB(2x2Gb) Kingston DDR2 800
4. Asus EAH4350 Silent Series, 512Mb DDR2, 600Mhz core clock
5. Seagate 320GB, 7200rpm, SATA2
6. Windows Vista Ultimate 32-bit OEM
tats the specs, i know tats not even near impressive for most of u but its all i need for a computer life...
there's been a lot of screw ups during the whole process. forget to buy PSU, wrong BIOS set up, starting up without installing windows(stop laughing), etc. been a nice experience. this would b the 4th PC i've assembled, dont worry, the last 3 isnt mine.
now, get some pop corns. its showtime...
more pictures comming soon. as soon as i figure out how to work ASUS Gamer OSD..... dont know wats its for, but it came with the graphics card...
signing off...
done...
gone to PC fair yesterday. áccdentally'bump into huiyi n intro her to my mom. haha... watever..
ok, so finished fixing up my rig. specs, pictures n story telling will come in the next post. its too late now n i still have the soft part to do... antivirus, maintainence tool, microsoft office... bla bla bla u know the stuff...
ok, gonna cut off now...
ok, so finished fixing up my rig. specs, pictures n story telling will come in the next post. its too late now n i still have the soft part to do... antivirus, maintainence tool, microsoft office... bla bla bla u know the stuff...
ok, gonna cut off now...
mixer
i once said... 'wat is a mixer? the one tat crushes fruits or vegetables ar?' i know tats a idiotic of a statement but...
i dont know... my head feels like 1 right now.
emotionally unstable. i might look like im depressed for a sec, then go on cracking jokes a few minutes later. then go back to sucking up my life. im just.... unstable.
dont know wats got into me. tat really shouldn't came as a problem. y should it be? who cares if someone decides to get involved in a new relationship... y should i care? y am i caring?
bout the love poem thingy, i AM scared. not bsc i knew i would lose(its more or less a fact), but i just dont wanna go through all of it again. never. i thought im through it but its obvious tat im not. it'll take me another while...
hang on buddy...
yeah.... will c what i can do
i dont know... my head feels like 1 right now.
emotionally unstable. i might look like im depressed for a sec, then go on cracking jokes a few minutes later. then go back to sucking up my life. im just.... unstable.
dont know wats got into me. tat really shouldn't came as a problem. y should it be? who cares if someone decides to get involved in a new relationship... y should i care? y am i caring?
bout the love poem thingy, i AM scared. not bsc i knew i would lose(its more or less a fact), but i just dont wanna go through all of it again. never. i thought im through it but its obvious tat im not. it'll take me another while...
hang on buddy...
yeah.... will c what i can do
wat the hells going on here?
1st thing 1st. the ministry of education(y did i even mention its full name?) decides tat our F4 life isnt mediocre enough, so wat did they do? they have us(the peaceful student who wishes for normality) do some idiotic lisan and oral. tell me, would u rather writting another karangan or essay than this pathetic of a thing?
i mean, its a total waste of time(i'd rather learn new things than listen to some1 blabbing all the way to holand) and resource(r teachers paid to teach or to get entertained?). n its not even interesting to have some1 scared to shit to deliver a speech of any kind which would ultimately decide his spm... its not fun, its cruel.
ok, gone with the lisan. have to go 4 the talk on oral test next monday. n tat'll cost me 2 periods of chinese class.... perfect, just fucking perfect.
next. i really liked physics, but tat good-for-nothing physics teacher is getting up my nerves. if it wasnt for those sacred tution class i would've been clueless in class. since she rarely explains anythign properly. ok, make tat never. wonder how she get her licence...
p.s.... there's rumour tat she got it in exchange for her body fat. sistem barter...
ok, then comes the stupid IT teacher who loves to ditch classes. she's been absent 3 times. tat means we miss 3 classes. n yet she teaches like she never knew wats macromedia flash. for instance, when i asked her y do we do this, she answered 'just follow wat i say la can adi'... so much for 'educating' people.
the last 1 is actually pretty embaressing for some1. as i've said, no IT class, means im free all afternoon. so i caught our boss(zheng jie) n his female friend in the duty dept room. doing something tat would have been close to not-suitable-for-anyone-under-18 kinda thing. bah... its not the 1st itme anyway... so wats the big deal? stop smilling to urself...
ok, not gonna violate a promise here....
signing off
i mean, its a total waste of time(i'd rather learn new things than listen to some1 blabbing all the way to holand) and resource(r teachers paid to teach or to get entertained?). n its not even interesting to have some1 scared to shit to deliver a speech of any kind which would ultimately decide his spm... its not fun, its cruel.
ok, gone with the lisan. have to go 4 the talk on oral test next monday. n tat'll cost me 2 periods of chinese class.... perfect, just fucking perfect.
next. i really liked physics, but tat good-for-nothing physics teacher is getting up my nerves. if it wasnt for those sacred tution class i would've been clueless in class. since she rarely explains anythign properly. ok, make tat never. wonder how she get her licence...
p.s.... there's rumour tat she got it in exchange for her body fat. sistem barter...
ok, then comes the stupid IT teacher who loves to ditch classes. she's been absent 3 times. tat means we miss 3 classes. n yet she teaches like she never knew wats macromedia flash. for instance, when i asked her y do we do this, she answered 'just follow wat i say la can adi'... so much for 'educating' people.
the last 1 is actually pretty embaressing for some1. as i've said, no IT class, means im free all afternoon. so i caught our boss(zheng jie) n his female friend in the duty dept room. doing something tat would have been close to not-suitable-for-anyone-under-18 kinda thing. bah... its not the 1st itme anyway... so wats the big deal? stop smilling to urself...
ok, not gonna violate a promise here....
signing off
teachers...
great, here i am. stuck in MCC, doing nothing except randomly surfing the net. all bsc the idiot teacher decides to take a day off n sleep... nice, really nice.
n wq, if u're readin this now, i would like to tell u tat this pc is not the pc before i came.
thinking of typing all those fictions here... forget to get my file. later mayb...
poem competition? mayb, mayb not...
still bumping around...
huntsman, signing off
n wq, if u're readin this now, i would like to tell u tat this pc is not the pc before i came.
thinking of typing all those fictions here... forget to get my file. later mayb...
poem competition? mayb, mayb not...
still bumping around...
huntsman, signing off
life's back, been missing it
the day's nvr been better. yesterday, gone to pacific(not the ocean), pc depot, popular, and almost every computer shop in it. met a relative.
today, as usual. woke up 5 minutes before tution starts. slept through n missed lunch. woke up at 2.30pm. life's back, i could smell it.
p.s. been strangely punctual since a month ago.
race through homework in the afternoon. going to link up with my sis after this. sunday evening cycling round the neighbourhood.
life's never been better. no more hiding and dodging bullets. walked with much more confidence tat i wont b cut down by machine gun fire.
and best of all, smiles naturally than just to avoid questions.
the link 'vegetarian shark's blogspot' started to become blue after i clicked it. it finally has a purpose, a destination to go to. welcome back vegetarian shark(pls dont punch me).
gathered a list of things to buy in PC fair, calculated the budget and everything. its gonna b fun. anyone wanna join? 18th of April, its a saturday.
ttfn, ta ta for now...
today, as usual. woke up 5 minutes before tution starts. slept through n missed lunch. woke up at 2.30pm. life's back, i could smell it.
p.s. been strangely punctual since a month ago.
race through homework in the afternoon. going to link up with my sis after this. sunday evening cycling round the neighbourhood.
life's never been better. no more hiding and dodging bullets. walked with much more confidence tat i wont b cut down by machine gun fire.
and best of all, smiles naturally than just to avoid questions.
the link 'vegetarian shark's blogspot' started to become blue after i clicked it. it finally has a purpose, a destination to go to. welcome back vegetarian shark(pls dont punch me).
gathered a list of things to buy in PC fair, calculated the budget and everything. its gonna b fun. anyone wanna join? 18th of April, its a saturday.
ttfn, ta ta for now...
what just happened
saturday. came back from than siang temple in bayan lepas. tired to hell.
at least today i dont have to yell at teachers. yesterday, friday.
we(as in F4s) got surat wakils for F2, which means they are excused from class n school organised crap from 2.40pm hingga tamat.
we were making huge progress, all the big black speakers r out. planning to rock the school tmr.
4.10pm, weekly assembly for th afternoon session started. nan feng n 1 F3 was there duty, along with a newly recruited F2.
while i was gonna to go into the broadcast room to tell huiyi that there's nothing coming out from the speakers, eng khoon leng show up on the left corner of my eyesight. new hair, doesnt make u look any better than bitch
ignored. n then she's waving. turned my head, she with the short one(im sure u know who im talking bout). both waving like idiots in the center of the runway. turned my head, cant hear wat the hell r they yelling bout. got closer, closer to trouble.
they're babbling n squabbing bout the F2s not being in the assembly. told them F2s have wakil pprs signed by eng khoon leng herself. still screaming at top volume, she cannoned me with crap bout they should b in assembly, an order from mr.toh blah blah blah......
we NEVER got any memmorandum or even a note pasted on our door bout any of this.
it dragged on..... i was supposed to b at gate 5 at 4.30. grandparents waiting in black saga. instead, i was bombarded with buttload of annoying trash by the 2 morons. wat r surat wakil for!?
called back to the guys at school after tuition.they're staying there for the night. says we're in deep shit. either or both james n hung phung would b demerited for giving instructions to F2. to hell with that!
teachers.... or should i say bitches.
nvm, those r just what we jitsinese have to face. outsider thought tat jit sin teachers r nice... bah!
songs i recently liked:
1. right now -Akon
2. mirotic -TVXQ
3. one wish -Ray J
4. stick with you -Pussycat Dolls
i dont hate you, i loved you...
at least today i dont have to yell at teachers. yesterday, friday.
we(as in F4s) got surat wakils for F2, which means they are excused from class n school organised crap from 2.40pm hingga tamat.
we were making huge progress, all the big black speakers r out. planning to rock the school tmr.
4.10pm, weekly assembly for th afternoon session started. nan feng n 1 F3 was there duty, along with a newly recruited F2.
while i was gonna to go into the broadcast room to tell huiyi that there's nothing coming out from the speakers, eng khoon leng show up on the left corner of my eyesight. new hair, doesnt make u look any better than bitch
ignored. n then she's waving. turned my head, she with the short one(im sure u know who im talking bout). both waving like idiots in the center of the runway. turned my head, cant hear wat the hell r they yelling bout. got closer, closer to trouble.
they're babbling n squabbing bout the F2s not being in the assembly. told them F2s have wakil pprs signed by eng khoon leng herself. still screaming at top volume, she cannoned me with crap bout they should b in assembly, an order from mr.toh blah blah blah......
we NEVER got any memmorandum or even a note pasted on our door bout any of this.
it dragged on..... i was supposed to b at gate 5 at 4.30. grandparents waiting in black saga. instead, i was bombarded with buttload of annoying trash by the 2 morons. wat r surat wakil for!?
called back to the guys at school after tuition.they're staying there for the night. says we're in deep shit. either or both james n hung phung would b demerited for giving instructions to F2. to hell with that!
teachers.... or should i say bitches.
nvm, those r just what we jitsinese have to face. outsider thought tat jit sin teachers r nice... bah!
songs i recently liked:
1. right now -Akon
2. mirotic -TVXQ
3. one wish -Ray J
4. stick with you -Pussycat Dolls
i dont hate you, i loved you...
gave way
i did it. i for freaking god did it. no more emotional meltdown, no more jerkings from violet(no offence). and best of all, no more hiding in the cracks!
man i could've floated up into the sky(if my density isnt a million times the density of air) right then. it was that much of a relief!
i know the harm's done, cracks will still leave a mark but i sincerely hope you can get over with it. i know i have caused u ur life to b in total chaos but for now, im juz glad i told. it may not have the same effect on u, regardless, best wishes for u n ur future.
u seriously have no idea how stressed up n nervous i am when my cell states 5pm.... panic wouldnt b enough to describe the storm in my head. n when u appeared in my sight, i was like:"how did u get over there? u was supposed to b there!" u sure have a way...
for all those who already have big question markS on their head, i wont disclose who im talking to unless that particular person agrees. i dont mind.
best wishes for you and all of us!
man i could've floated up into the sky(if my density isnt a million times the density of air) right then. it was that much of a relief!
i know the harm's done, cracks will still leave a mark but i sincerely hope you can get over with it. i know i have caused u ur life to b in total chaos but for now, im juz glad i told. it may not have the same effect on u, regardless, best wishes for u n ur future.
u seriously have no idea how stressed up n nervous i am when my cell states 5pm.... panic wouldnt b enough to describe the storm in my head. n when u appeared in my sight, i was like:"how did u get over there? u was supposed to b there!" u sure have a way...
for all those who already have big question markS on their head, i wont disclose who im talking to unless that particular person agrees. i dont mind.
best wishes for you and all of us!
another entry
desperate, clueless, he raked his brain for ideas. he screwed up, messed up bad. everything goes in different direction. unintended directions. life's turning faster than a merry-go-round, and he's just playing catch-up. barely making it, and gradually losing it.
when was the last time thing's were normal? a year? months? weeks ago? certainly not weeks, nor months, more than just a year. it seems like nothing's normal these days. incidents happen too fast, out of control. wildfire spreading on a dried-up hill in summer. all it needed is a spark to set thing's ablaze.
he screwed up, only to realize the severity of the aftermath when it took someone with it.
why did he started it anyway? to think of it now, he felt like kicking himself in the butt for being such an idiot. now that the damage was made, the only solution is to contain the fire, deprive it of fuel, and wait for the fire storm to die out. he chuckled to himself, if its that easy, he wouldn't be brainstorming himself to find out that its just a matter of throwing a few switches. but that's apparently not how things work in this ever complicating world.
taking a deep breath, precious oxygen fills his lungs, enters his blood and gets pumped to various parts of his body, expecially his resource-desperate brain. the solution was simple enough:
A: he could walk up to her and explain everything
B: he could explain by texting
C: pass a note?
he quickly ruled out the 1st option. knewing that he wouldn't have got the guts to take a step closer to her without emotional meltdown. as a matter of fact, he tried it a couple times before, all failed even before he was in 10 meter radius of her. strike 1.
next. texting. the most promising but also the most risky method. he knew there's a hidden limit to this. if he push too far, things would turn very very ugly in the matter of seconds. strike 2.
notes, he smiled. classic. but he knew she wouldn't even bother reading it. strike 3 and he's out of ideas.
sometimes he admired those who had the confident to affect people. he used to think those kind of people act with the motto 'shoot now, then count the bodies'. the thought of not going through every single step in life is suicide. one step into the drain and its all over. same thing happened here.
he grunted in frustration, cursing himself for being such a moron. a pathetic pea-brain who can't even do something right. his life's been a big screw up, he never did anything perfectly right. except for those once in a while momments which he gratefully appreciates.
and when he eventually did something right, the feeling of joy and triump quickly fades. he recently knew that nothing's worth cherishing of there's no one to share with. thus the lone wolf has turned into a lonely wolf.
many times he tried to shove away the fact. to show the world that nothing's changed. but as time progressed, he knew he was losing it. if to save someone from being hurt is to hurt both, is it worth it?
the answer to this question is a loop of never ending oblivion.
when was the last time thing's were normal? a year? months? weeks ago? certainly not weeks, nor months, more than just a year. it seems like nothing's normal these days. incidents happen too fast, out of control. wildfire spreading on a dried-up hill in summer. all it needed is a spark to set thing's ablaze.
he screwed up, only to realize the severity of the aftermath when it took someone with it.
why did he started it anyway? to think of it now, he felt like kicking himself in the butt for being such an idiot. now that the damage was made, the only solution is to contain the fire, deprive it of fuel, and wait for the fire storm to die out. he chuckled to himself, if its that easy, he wouldn't be brainstorming himself to find out that its just a matter of throwing a few switches. but that's apparently not how things work in this ever complicating world.
taking a deep breath, precious oxygen fills his lungs, enters his blood and gets pumped to various parts of his body, expecially his resource-desperate brain. the solution was simple enough:
A: he could walk up to her and explain everything
B: he could explain by texting
C: pass a note?
he quickly ruled out the 1st option. knewing that he wouldn't have got the guts to take a step closer to her without emotional meltdown. as a matter of fact, he tried it a couple times before, all failed even before he was in 10 meter radius of her. strike 1.
next. texting. the most promising but also the most risky method. he knew there's a hidden limit to this. if he push too far, things would turn very very ugly in the matter of seconds. strike 2.
notes, he smiled. classic. but he knew she wouldn't even bother reading it. strike 3 and he's out of ideas.
sometimes he admired those who had the confident to affect people. he used to think those kind of people act with the motto 'shoot now, then count the bodies'. the thought of not going through every single step in life is suicide. one step into the drain and its all over. same thing happened here.
he grunted in frustration, cursing himself for being such a moron. a pathetic pea-brain who can't even do something right. his life's been a big screw up, he never did anything perfectly right. except for those once in a while momments which he gratefully appreciates.
and when he eventually did something right, the feeling of joy and triump quickly fades. he recently knew that nothing's worth cherishing of there's no one to share with. thus the lone wolf has turned into a lonely wolf.
many times he tried to shove away the fact. to show the world that nothing's changed. but as time progressed, he knew he was losing it. if to save someone from being hurt is to hurt both, is it worth it?
the answer to this question is a loop of never ending oblivion.
something i've been keeping to myself
im not gonna say much. lets juz say the fictions i've wrote lately half-describes me lately.
and, lini. im sorry im such a jerk, i really am.
and, lini. im sorry im such a jerk, i really am.
an entry
he found himself sitting by the window. its was dark, and raining outside. looking out of the window, streetlight stand lazily, casting an ghostly orange light on the dark pavement.
still shivering from the cold shower. he needed to chill his head off. the air-conditioner is set to 16 degrees celcius.
with his hands supporting his chin, he ignored the buzzing mosquito which is standing on his knuckles, ready to suck at his life forces. he gave the tiny creature a fierce stare. predictably, it cowarded away, leaving him unharmed. he wasnt even in mood to swat a mosquito.
he continued to gaze at the dark world out side...
..................................................................................
it was a tiring day. she lay at her comfortable bed. the sheets are newly washed and have a sweet and nice lavender smell. light blue blankets with pictures of underwater creatures lay beneath her body. it was her favorite bed sheet.
facing up, her eyes focus at the white ceilling while her mind is running at random direction. what's she thinking about?
homework lay opened on the edge of the bed. halfway done history homework due tomorrow. yet she's clutching her cell in her right palm on her chest.
why didn't he reply to my message?
........................................................................................
his cell rang and vibrated like a spinning top. he picked it up.
'you've got 7 unread messages'
he sighted, wondering why is she so relentless. it wasn't her fault yet she's punishing herself for it. he hit the cancel button and set his cell on the table, a few degrees off from where it was earlier.
it was a heavy rain. the sound of rain drops splashing on the street and roof is deafening. directly across the window, a branch from a tree has snapped and fell onto the center of the road, acting as a effective roadblock. the city council made no effort to clean up the mess.
the rain battered against the glass. making the illumination outside seem like blotches of glittering microorganisms. he can rarely see what's outside now, he shifted his gaze at the background picture of his deskstop. the heartening backview of a young pair holding hands. he chuckled, since when did this came here?
........................................................................................
cuddling against her pillow, she stared at her cell. no respond whatsoever for over ten minutes.
did i did something wrong? he always reply to my messages, even though he's in the shower...
a million similar question crossed her mind. smilling to herself, she replayed all the good times she had with him, memmorable laughs, pranks he managed to pull off just to cheer her up. he even got himself in the dicipline room last month for scaring her in the girl's room.
the smile on her face turned into a laugh. then quickly dissapeared. he changed recently, he became harder, not the person she used to know. time and time again she tried to pry him loose, to no avail. he even ignored an invitation to sneak into the multimedia room. they used to like doing tat. he would bring a movie and they would watch it there in the dark.
and last monday, it all changed....
............................................................................................
he couldn't keep thinking, is it the right thing to do? if that's the right thing to do, why should it hurt?
he felt agonizing, not being able to talk to her, to pull pranks and watch her blush in embaressment, to compete doing math homework. he wanted to go back to normal, but he can't, he just can't.
he knew this is the only way for him, her, them. this would happen sometime in the future, where it would hurt the most. he's just making it easier for both of them. he finds it better to think of it this way.
it was a jealous move. to act without caring about how she'll react to this. but if she knew about this, he knew she would never agree, that's why he acted alone. being cruel to himself instead of hurting her.
.....................................................................
she was rifling through an album. pictures of them having the time of their lives hang with hand-written captions. they looked happy and bright. pictures which dates back to 6 years ago, while they were entering the illusive world of teenager.
her mind ran back to the momment they first met, their first unofficial date, their first movie in the multimedia room, the first April fool together. they were all sweet memmories.
she found her eyes warm and moist.
...................................................................
his cell rang and rattled again, it was a phone call. he impatiently grabbed it.
'pooh bear calling'
his finger hovered on the ignore button, hestitating. I've gotta do this, its the best for everyone. she'll thank me later and the cell silenced.
he took a deep breath, not noticing that his heart was beating faster than normal. he WAS excited he first got the call.
without warning he slammed his fist on the wall. the cry of pain from the nerve ending of his knuckles was overwhelming, yet he didn't even mumbled a curse.
I can do this, I can do this. Its the best for her. i just have to endure this till everything ends.
breathe in...
breathe out...
breathe in...
breathe out...
breathe in...
breathe out...
something vibrated, followed by a familliar tune. he opened his eyes.
'you've got 8 unread messages'
he cursed. why can't she just give it a rest!?
his finger slipped, he accidentaly hit the button read.
'pls, i miss u...'
still shivering from the cold shower. he needed to chill his head off. the air-conditioner is set to 16 degrees celcius.
with his hands supporting his chin, he ignored the buzzing mosquito which is standing on his knuckles, ready to suck at his life forces. he gave the tiny creature a fierce stare. predictably, it cowarded away, leaving him unharmed. he wasnt even in mood to swat a mosquito.
he continued to gaze at the dark world out side...
..................................................................................
it was a tiring day. she lay at her comfortable bed. the sheets are newly washed and have a sweet and nice lavender smell. light blue blankets with pictures of underwater creatures lay beneath her body. it was her favorite bed sheet.
facing up, her eyes focus at the white ceilling while her mind is running at random direction. what's she thinking about?
homework lay opened on the edge of the bed. halfway done history homework due tomorrow. yet she's clutching her cell in her right palm on her chest.
why didn't he reply to my message?
........................................................................................
his cell rang and vibrated like a spinning top. he picked it up.
'you've got 7 unread messages'
he sighted, wondering why is she so relentless. it wasn't her fault yet she's punishing herself for it. he hit the cancel button and set his cell on the table, a few degrees off from where it was earlier.
it was a heavy rain. the sound of rain drops splashing on the street and roof is deafening. directly across the window, a branch from a tree has snapped and fell onto the center of the road, acting as a effective roadblock. the city council made no effort to clean up the mess.
the rain battered against the glass. making the illumination outside seem like blotches of glittering microorganisms. he can rarely see what's outside now, he shifted his gaze at the background picture of his deskstop. the heartening backview of a young pair holding hands. he chuckled, since when did this came here?
........................................................................................
cuddling against her pillow, she stared at her cell. no respond whatsoever for over ten minutes.
did i did something wrong? he always reply to my messages, even though he's in the shower...
a million similar question crossed her mind. smilling to herself, she replayed all the good times she had with him, memmorable laughs, pranks he managed to pull off just to cheer her up. he even got himself in the dicipline room last month for scaring her in the girl's room.
the smile on her face turned into a laugh. then quickly dissapeared. he changed recently, he became harder, not the person she used to know. time and time again she tried to pry him loose, to no avail. he even ignored an invitation to sneak into the multimedia room. they used to like doing tat. he would bring a movie and they would watch it there in the dark.
and last monday, it all changed....
............................................................................................
he couldn't keep thinking, is it the right thing to do? if that's the right thing to do, why should it hurt?
he felt agonizing, not being able to talk to her, to pull pranks and watch her blush in embaressment, to compete doing math homework. he wanted to go back to normal, but he can't, he just can't.
he knew this is the only way for him, her, them. this would happen sometime in the future, where it would hurt the most. he's just making it easier for both of them. he finds it better to think of it this way.
it was a jealous move. to act without caring about how she'll react to this. but if she knew about this, he knew she would never agree, that's why he acted alone. being cruel to himself instead of hurting her.
.....................................................................
she was rifling through an album. pictures of them having the time of their lives hang with hand-written captions. they looked happy and bright. pictures which dates back to 6 years ago, while they were entering the illusive world of teenager.
her mind ran back to the momment they first met, their first unofficial date, their first movie in the multimedia room, the first April fool together. they were all sweet memmories.
she found her eyes warm and moist.
...................................................................
his cell rang and rattled again, it was a phone call. he impatiently grabbed it.
'pooh bear calling'
his finger hovered on the ignore button, hestitating. I've gotta do this, its the best for everyone. she'll thank me later and the cell silenced.
he took a deep breath, not noticing that his heart was beating faster than normal. he WAS excited he first got the call.
without warning he slammed his fist on the wall. the cry of pain from the nerve ending of his knuckles was overwhelming, yet he didn't even mumbled a curse.
I can do this, I can do this. Its the best for her. i just have to endure this till everything ends.
breathe in...
breathe out...
breathe in...
breathe out...
breathe in...
breathe out...
something vibrated, followed by a familliar tune. he opened his eyes.
'you've got 8 unread messages'
he cursed. why can't she just give it a rest!?
his finger slipped, he accidentaly hit the button read.
'pls, i miss u...'
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